Uplifting...

After Yesterdays post, I wanted to make sure I added something uplifting today, so people wouldn't quit reading! I will say we are now just one week away from our greatly anticipated Disney Vacation! Eight days and seven nights and we are meeting up with good friends of ours who live in Florida! I'm SO excited.... we'll all have SO much fun! The girls will be having "princess make overs" (dresses and all) inside Cinderella's Castle on the morning of my Birthday. It's called "The bibbity-bobbity-boutique" and Kate already knows she is going to be Cinderella. Molly is still debating on which princess she would like to be... Pocahontas, Belle or Jasmine. These are tough decisions you know. On a positive note, Emily's grave was fixed yesterday afternoon and it looks very nice again. AND tonight is "Tactical Tuesday" so if you've read my opening post, you know where I'll be spending my evening!...and after this week, I can sure use the stress relief! Molly had an appointment with the orthodontist yesterday and the GOOD news is that she does not need 2 stages of treatment. She only needs braces in 2 to 2.5 years! YAY...... That's super exciting! We were ALL pleased with that info - but Molly was especially pleased.

And the cycle continues.....

This is not by any means my most uplifting post, but this is the reality of my life. For those who may not have heard, I have a stalker. This is not a new development. "L" has been harassing me since November 2002! I have a 5 year civil protection order which was issued in March of this year, which includes a "deadly weapon" restriction for him, although he has not turned his shotgun into the Sheriffs department. I have 3 full pages of documentation (with over 45 separate incidents) since all of this began in '02. While I am awaiting response from the law director as to whether or not they will pursue charges, the damage continues. These are pictures of my Emily's grave. The first was taken before Emily's "Remember", "Miss you" and "HOPE" stones were stolen last month, after being at her grave for several years. I went to her grave yesterday afternoon to take fresh flowers, and found her vase had been knocked over and pulled out somehow. It is screwed into a base which is out of the ground as well. This could not have happened accidentally or because of a mower. After combing the cemetery desperately trying to justify to myself that this was just a bunch of stupid kids knocking over vases, I found my Emily's to be the only one that was damaged.

Now I'm sure you're wondering how I *know* this was "L" and I will say this.... "I can not prove it." However if you knew his history, you would also KNOW it was him, and when I went to the police yesterday afternoon to file my 2nd report in as many months, they did not question the fact that it wasn't him. They know him well. I should add, this is the 2nd time this week that the police has had to be called because of suspicious activity. (There was also an incident at work on Thursday.)

"L", whose history began with me when I was a Child Protective Services Caseworker, is a cyclical stalker and for the past 5 years has always harassed me in July and August (which is the anniversary of our court hearings and my Emily's death). Then "L" typically gives me a break until November. Without fail he begins stalking me again, from early November until mid January. After that, I usually don't hear from him again until July; but this year he was "a bit off his mark" and threatened me at work in February. This seriously concerned MANY people, especially with the threats he made and the circumstances surrounding his "delivery" of those threats. I received an ex-parte protection order in February, and then went to a full hearing in March. At that time, my protection order was extended until 2013.

ANYWAY, I guess I just have to say I am really sad about the damage to my daughter's grave. (Quite an understatement, but there it is.) I called the cemetery this morning, and they were unaware of the damage. Hopefully they can fix it this morning, and I will have to be more vigilant at keeping an eye on it. *sigh.... you would think "L" would have more exciting things to do than stalk me.... my life is just NOT that exciting! I realize this is an obsession thing... a mental health issue, but I still don't get it. I just get so frustrated that Emily's birthday and angel day (Which are difficult enough to get through) are always marked by increased anxiety due to this stalker issue; and I am increasingly disheartened by the fact he continues to delight in our pain. I regret that I have to spend my time focusing on our safety, instead of healing...... and as usual, we have reason to be concerned this year as well.

******* Edited to add: I spoke to the cemetery this afternoon and they should be able to fix Emily's grave today. They confirmed they were NOT the ones who kocked over the vase, and that Emily's grave is the only one that appears to be damaged in the cemetery. I provided them with a photo of "L" and they will be more vigilant in looking out for him. If anyone is interested in reading more about "good practice safety tips" and noting warning signs of potential stalkers, a good website is http://www.esia.net/ and also http://www.ncvc.org/ "stalking resource center" link...."statistics" link... and then "fact sheet". Among other things, in this section you will learn that the average stalker harasses his victim for 1.3 years according to one study and 1.8 years according to another. However, in MOST cases the stalking lasts for only one month. If there has been romantic involvement, that increases to just over 2.2 years. 28% of victims seek a protection order, and 69% of those are violated once issued. To put my case into perspective, "L" has been stalking me for 5 years and 9 months as of today, and my Civil Protection Order has been violated on three occasions (I am aware of at least) in less than one month. I have filed police reports with each incident - but because he has not physically harmed me YET ("Yet" being the key word here) I am still pretty much helpless. At least that's how I feel. Anyway, as a favor to me please look (even briefly) at the website. It's worth checking out. *******

Back from Castaway Bay

Molly and Kate love people in BIG costumes
Molly in front of the ZIPCPOASTER
Kat, relaxing for a brief moment

The girls are home from Cedar Point's Castaway Bay with Grandma and Grandpa. Cast away bay is a hotel-water park that is similar to "Great Bear Lodge" or "Kalahari". My parents took them there for a mini vacation, and upon their return, my Mother commented (in a rather surprised tone) "this was the best place for a grandparent to take their grandchildren" and the girls behavior was excellent the entire time. Mom was quite the "Brave heart", going on the zip-coaster with Molly at least twice. (For those who don't know, a "zip-coaster" is like a roller coaster water slide.) Kate best enjoyed the wave pool and the baby pool. So you get the idea of what this place is like, I am attaching photos of MY trip to Castaway bay with the girls, since I do not have any from yesterdays trip.

Kate has taught me...

Efforts to prevent the unauthorized consumption of ice cream are pointless. I confidently placed the Ben and Jerry's 'Phish Food' Ice Cream on top shelf of the freezer, clear in the back. Kate taught me: she CAN in fact get ice cream off of the top shelf in the freezer! I have also learned to never underestimate Kate's love for Ben and Jerry's.

A large diet coke spilled on the floor is ALWAYS hilarious.... but only after you have established the fact you are not in trouble. Kate taught me: Never leave diet coke unattended near her - but if you're going to, just make sure it's on an easily cleaned surface. In Kate's effort of be sneaky, I have learned she will never remove the diet coke from the place you originally left it!

Kate has taught me, a lollipop is a wonderful treat, and every effort should be made to stick the entire thing in your mouth at once! Kate also taught me to ALWAYS make sure I have a camera on hand when she is eating a lollipop. The 10 pictures I took yesterday are priceless.

Pictures from Niagara

An amazing falls view

Molly and her best friend "A". The first thing we did was play in the fountains. It was SO HOT they really needed to cool off.

Molly, "A" and Kate, inside the gift shop at the Niagara's fury attraction. It is a 4D circular theater that has a river running through it, and is like a virtual "ride over the falls" experience. The large rodent in the background is the virtual tour guide. Kate loved him!

Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum. All six kids fit easily in Robert Wadlow's chair. *Robert Wadlow was the worlds tallest man, measuring almost 8 ft. Take note of the 'tween' in the background who is unwilling to make a funny face. She appeased me by rolling her eyes though.... at least I think that's why she was rolling them. Hmmmmmm.....

Molly acts like a sorcerer at "Galaxy Golf". She was "creating fire" with her bare hands, and we were all astonished at her "mad skills" - as Kate would say.

Niagara Falls.....

We are home from the falls, and I jokingly say "no one went over" but with 2 adults, and 6 kids that is really kind of a feat! We had an amazing time, and Molly with her friend "A" seemed to have the best time of all. In 24 hours, our list of items accomplished include:

• Walking down by the falls for about 3 hours


• Playing in the fountains


• visiting "Table Rock"


• "Niagara's Fury" 4D experience (Molly's favorite)


• Eating at Rainforest Cafe (Volcano treat and all)


• Ripley's Believe it or not Museum


• Swimming in the pool and hot tub


• pillow fighting


• Glow in the dark "Galaxy Golf"


• Flirting with the border patrolman on BOTH sides. (That was Molly, not me.)

Favorite pictures

Katarina and Me. I'm such a sucker for brown eyes!

Kat, on any given day. Dress up is her favorite activity.

Molly lighting a candle for Emily's 4th ~Angel Day~

My Sweet Emily Hope

August 25th 2003

Ronda, Spain

I did LOTS of hiking and rock climbing in this gorge, which is over a mile deep! The bridge is over 1,000 years old and you can hike underneath it to better view the waterfalls on the other side. It's amazing! My soul just loves this village.