And the cycle continues.....

This is not by any means my most uplifting post, but this is the reality of my life. For those who may not have heard, I have a stalker. This is not a new development. "L" has been harassing me since November 2002! I have a 5 year civil protection order which was issued in March of this year, which includes a "deadly weapon" restriction for him, although he has not turned his shotgun into the Sheriffs department. I have 3 full pages of documentation (with over 45 separate incidents) since all of this began in '02. While I am awaiting response from the law director as to whether or not they will pursue charges, the damage continues. These are pictures of my Emily's grave. The first was taken before Emily's "Remember", "Miss you" and "HOPE" stones were stolen last month, after being at her grave for several years. I went to her grave yesterday afternoon to take fresh flowers, and found her vase had been knocked over and pulled out somehow. It is screwed into a base which is out of the ground as well. This could not have happened accidentally or because of a mower. After combing the cemetery desperately trying to justify to myself that this was just a bunch of stupid kids knocking over vases, I found my Emily's to be the only one that was damaged.

Now I'm sure you're wondering how I *know* this was "L" and I will say this.... "I can not prove it." However if you knew his history, you would also KNOW it was him, and when I went to the police yesterday afternoon to file my 2nd report in as many months, they did not question the fact that it wasn't him. They know him well. I should add, this is the 2nd time this week that the police has had to be called because of suspicious activity. (There was also an incident at work on Thursday.)

"L", whose history began with me when I was a Child Protective Services Caseworker, is a cyclical stalker and for the past 5 years has always harassed me in July and August (which is the anniversary of our court hearings and my Emily's death). Then "L" typically gives me a break until November. Without fail he begins stalking me again, from early November until mid January. After that, I usually don't hear from him again until July; but this year he was "a bit off his mark" and threatened me at work in February. This seriously concerned MANY people, especially with the threats he made and the circumstances surrounding his "delivery" of those threats. I received an ex-parte protection order in February, and then went to a full hearing in March. At that time, my protection order was extended until 2013.

ANYWAY, I guess I just have to say I am really sad about the damage to my daughter's grave. (Quite an understatement, but there it is.) I called the cemetery this morning, and they were unaware of the damage. Hopefully they can fix it this morning, and I will have to be more vigilant at keeping an eye on it. *sigh.... you would think "L" would have more exciting things to do than stalk me.... my life is just NOT that exciting! I realize this is an obsession thing... a mental health issue, but I still don't get it. I just get so frustrated that Emily's birthday and angel day (Which are difficult enough to get through) are always marked by increased anxiety due to this stalker issue; and I am increasingly disheartened by the fact he continues to delight in our pain. I regret that I have to spend my time focusing on our safety, instead of healing...... and as usual, we have reason to be concerned this year as well.

******* Edited to add: I spoke to the cemetery this afternoon and they should be able to fix Emily's grave today. They confirmed they were NOT the ones who kocked over the vase, and that Emily's grave is the only one that appears to be damaged in the cemetery. I provided them with a photo of "L" and they will be more vigilant in looking out for him. If anyone is interested in reading more about "good practice safety tips" and noting warning signs of potential stalkers, a good website is http://www.esia.net/ and also http://www.ncvc.org/ "stalking resource center" link...."statistics" link... and then "fact sheet". Among other things, in this section you will learn that the average stalker harasses his victim for 1.3 years according to one study and 1.8 years according to another. However, in MOST cases the stalking lasts for only one month. If there has been romantic involvement, that increases to just over 2.2 years. 28% of victims seek a protection order, and 69% of those are violated once issued. To put my case into perspective, "L" has been stalking me for 5 years and 9 months as of today, and my Civil Protection Order has been violated on three occasions (I am aware of at least) in less than one month. I have filed police reports with each incident - but because he has not physically harmed me YET ("Yet" being the key word here) I am still pretty much helpless. At least that's how I feel. Anyway, as a favor to me please look (even briefly) at the website. It's worth checking out. *******