The JOY of reading

Thanks to a wonderful Christmas gift which arrived last evening, my lovely daughters spent their time immersed in their new magazine subscriptions - compliments of my Aunt and Uncle in Illinois. I snapped these pictures while they were checking out their new mail. I was especially thrilled that both magazines (Lady bug and cricket) arrived on the same day - so no one was disappointed that the other received mail and they did not. Kate turned the magazine over immediately and noted that it read "K-A-T-I-E" so it was definitely for her, and no one else!

Both magazines are wonderfully age appropriate and each girl is delighted with their gift. I recall my Grandma buying me a subscription to "Zoo Books" for my birthday, which I dearly loved. I saw in them yesterday, the excitement I used to have when my magazine would arrive in the mail and I'm so very glad my girls have received such a lovely gift.

THANK YOU Aunt J and Uncle L !!!!!

A touch of summer....

The girls and I spent the day on Saturday at the Franklin Park Conservatory, escaping from the grasp of winter, if only for a few hours.


Molly rejoiced at throwing a coin in the top of the fountain

Kate was enthralled with herself, admiring her image in a very large mirror

Both girls (from a distance) enjoyed the "Sticky buns" succulent exhibit

I found myself relaxing by the Koi pond

And there was much time for hugging.....

It was an all around GREAT weekend!

Vacation plans.....

It is officially decided.... we are going back to Disney world this year! Every year, I say "Next year we're going somewhere else".... then we get a cold snap and I start thinking I sure could handle being at the happiest place on earth. Hmmm.... it's all down hill from there. Actually, this weekend I discovered that DISNEY is making the military families and offer I can not refuse, and our vacation will cost less than 250.00 for all 3 of us to have 5 days of park hopper and more passes - PLUS I also can get us into Sea World for a day for free - so basically, I'm just paying for the hotel costs, which is also relatively inexpensive. We stay at www.shadesofgreen.org and if you haven't heard of this hotel, you should check out the gallery. It's pretty amazing.

Sooooo.... we're deciding which character meals we want to go to, and of course we're having another princess makeover at the bibbity bobbity boutique.... and life will be grand for us. We'll leave as soon as I get home from Mississippi, which will be lovely. The girls are wildly excited and the Disney Vacation Planning Video is in our DVD player. This year, we'll be hitting the water parks pretty hard, and the girls can't wait. We bought matching bathing suits, sunglasses and flip flops at the Gymboree last evening and the girls wore them all night long. Now THAT was cute.

***Oh, and for the princess makeovers - Molly wants to be Giselle, and Kate swears she wants to be Cinderella again. We'll see what Kate ends up doing - I guess it's her makeover, but she DID just get a lovely Snow White costume.

A whine......

I don't usually gripe or whine on this blog - nor do I EVER post about my personal relationships- but today, I feel like it - so here it goes...

My first post surgery weekend (other than having guard drill) was relatively uneventful. I did however, learn my former boyfriend who I had been seeing exclusively since early this spring, has been seeing someone else since August. Ouch. This is slightly frustrating for me, as I did not break off the relationship with him until about a month and a half ago. I would have thought (at 48 years old) he would have been beyond that type of stuff - but at the same time, I also learned the girl he is seeing is only 19 - so I guess he was too excited and just couldn't help himself - Poor guy. Anyway - I have other comments on that subject which I will not post - mostly because he's not worth the energy I would expel typing them. THIS IS WHY I AM STILL SINGLE ....

I woke up feeling significantly better today, which is lovely - although I am still sore and amazed at how slowly my body is recovering from this surgery. (Bring on paragraph 2 of "the whine".) I did have a nasty reaction to my pain meds and so I spent most of Friday evening and Saturday being violently ill, and I'm sure that had a dramatic affect on my abdominal pain. I did NOT shovel snow this weekend - although I probably would have, if I hadn't had the vomits.

I started my week with my girls last evening after drill, and Kate promptly jumped on me this morning, sending a shooting pain through my abdomen that I am still recovering from. (I'm continuing my whine into a 3rd paragraph! Can you even believe it?!?!?) Unfortunately, I dropped her immediately when she jumped on me, and so we started off the morning with tears on both of our parts (although I waited until I got in the car, so she wouldn't see me and feel bad...as if my 4 year old has any empathy for me in the first place.) Anyway, I'm not winning any "mother of the year" awards today - just fyi.

ALSO, I discovered that my ex husband took Kate to get her hair trimmed this weekend, and after I had specifically stated I was trying to grow her hair out, so please don't cut it - he had them take 4 inches off! What a jerk.

Since I see no reason to subject you to five paragraphs of whining, and clearly I have nothing good to say, I will shut up now.

Surgery update...

Everything went fine with my surgery yesterday, and I'm feeling really good about the whole event. My Mommy went with me and brought me home, which was lovely. I had originally thought I would just rather do it all by myself and get it over with, but it was nice to have her there. It kept my mind off of what I was actually doing. I am certain I made the right decision.... I have spent a great deal of time praying about it..... several others don't seem to understand though, and had been urging me not to have the procedure. Not helpful.

Anyway, I got home at 3:30 and went to bed, where I remained until 7:00 this morning, when I got up and came to work. The only minor incident was when my incision popped open last night. I called a friend (who happens to be a physician) and was told that if it's been more than 4 hours post surgery and it's just "the skin" that came apart, there is nothing they can do and closing it again will cause an abscess, which will require more surgery! I guess the moral of the story is, be careful cleaning your incisions because if they open, you're screwed. Oh well... Other than that, life is grand and I'm looking forward to guard drill this weekend!

My family is complete...

Or at least as complete as it can be, I have determined. I have been thinking about my plans for my family’s future, and trying to learn from the past. Five years ago, my husband moved out while I was pregnant with Kate, shortly after Emily died. Four years ago this month, Molly, Kate and I completed "the divorce transition" by moving into a townhouse in Ontario... I started "living" that day, and have never been happier. Still, I had always imagined I would be single for a year or two, then meet someone amazing, fall madly in love, get re-married, have another baby and live happily ever after. That was my plan – but plans change.

Roughly a year and a half ago I found myself pregnant. I didn’t tell anyone except for my friends Jeni and Aimee. Admittedly, it wasn’t an “ideal” situation, but I’m quite accustomed to that. After I got over my shock, I was wildly excited and began making plans for my new little one! I was trying on maternity clothes, looking at bassinets, choosing baby names and joyfully admiring my subtly changing figure. I had a plan for our lives - and it was going to work out beautifully. Then my baby died. I often wonder what life would be like today, if my Olivia Emersyn had been born alive. She would be 7 months old now and a pure delight to each of us, I know. Still, her brief presence in my life made me certain of one thing… I cannot endure another loss. I do my very best to cope with the difference between what I wanted my life to be, and what it actually is. However I know for sure, when I have more children in Heaven than have survived here on Earth (and after 5 pregnancies, we discovered there is a genetic reason for that) it’s time for me to quit. I have other medical issues, which have been a significant factor in my decision as well. I am still very open to the idea of having more children in my life…I would very much welcome that through adoption or remarriage. I’m just done birthing them.

I am having surgery tomorrow morning at 11:00am, to ensure I do not have any more pregnancies. I *believe* I will be just fine with this emotionally…. I really do. But, if you happen to have a few prayers available, I wouldn’t mind you sending them up for me.

I am attaching a picture of my new tattoo I got on Emily’s 5th Angel Day, in August. This is SO incredibly special to me because of it’s symbolism. Obviously “Hope” is Emily’s middle name, but it has become the theme for my life. The sunflower represents a phenomenal experience I had in Spain one afternoon, when I felt a tremendous closeness with my Emily. Each green leaf represents one of my children, and the two beside each other represent Molly and Kate, growing up together. You have to look hard, but the initials M, E, K, G and O are also in the design, representing Molly, Emily, Katie, Gabriel and Olivia. I thought it was pretty awesome and it’s always with me even, though it’s covered 99% of the time. It’s for me, not the world to see – and that’s just fine.

How to paint a cat

In case you were wondering how we spent our new years eve this year, we were at my friend Aimee's house, painting her cat. Between Aimee, her triplets, Molly, Kate and Me, the cat had a REALLY good coat of food coloring on him before the evening was over. As it turns out, cats (at least this one) don't seem to mind being softly stroked by a silky paint brush. Our cat actually fell asleep during the process. Let me just say.... you haven't lived until you've painted a cat!