Our Field of Loving Dreams

Butterflies dance across a field, in my mind.

You chase them and smile at me from between the wildflowers.

Your toothy toddler grin spreads wide, to grace me with joy.
Innocence shows in your eyes…
You laugh and I long to hold you,

to cuddle you close with the sigh of the wind.

The same wind lifts your baby hair,
Fragrant as the flowers you have played in,

soft as the kiss of your butterflies, and dark as the early night.

You smile into the sky and the rays of sun illuminate your profile.

You are fresh as a new day and

oh, how I love you!

We run together across our field,

chasing dragonflies and dreaming of fairies.

Holding hands, we dash across the rocks of a shallow stream,

and it is there in a clearing, that we dance.

Lifting you into my arms we whirl and turn,

Laughing and smiling, waltzing to the tune of the singing bluebirds.

We are one, you and I
Free to hold each other, free to love -

Until I place you gently on the ground, and step away.

For a moment, we hold hands.
For a moment, we gaze at each other.

For a moment, time stands still for both of us.

And then you are gone-
And I am here in my reality.

I can still feel your tiny fingers squeezing my hand.

I can still smell the wildflowers blending with your baby scent.

I can still hear your laughter rushing around me like our shallow stream.

I can still feel your little body cradled in my aching arms.

But I know too, that you will be here waiting for me

whenever I need you.

Here in our field of loving dreams -

Where reality fades away in the distance.

Where we are free to dance with the butterflies -
Where we can run, chasing dragonflies and dreaming of fairies;

and where I can hold you once again,
Just as I would have -
If you had lived.