How to ride a wild boar....

The wolves are curious, but as Kate learned.... definitely NOT on the attack! Her fear of Wolves, at least for now, seems to be cured. Molly demonstrates the curiosity of said wolf.....

Too cute for words.....

Kate demonstrates how to rde a wild boar side saddle. She's SO creative.

Enjoying our last day of indian summer, before the cold weather blows in.

Molly approved.....

I have to share this.... Molly brought home her planner for school, and at the top of the page was written this slogan: "I'm Molly Gurik, and I aprove this message." I asked her if she had been told to write this at school, and she said no - it was her own idea. How cute. Molly has been following the election closely and keeping tabs on issues. Our local area runs an advertisement which shows images of howling wolves and begins with... "The wolves are on the attack.... wolves hiding as lobbyists in Washington...." Kate is now terrified - not only wolves, but also that anyone who goes to Washington will be attacked by them. She now asks me daily if I ever have to go to Washington, and I assure her I do not. Our plane DID land in Washington DC on the way home from Disney in August, and she has commented we were certainly fortunate not to have been attacked while there! . I had fancied the idea of a weekend trip to DC with them next year, but I think I'd better let Kat's fear subside first. *sigh.....Other than a newly developed fear of wolves, we are all just fine.....

*Edited to add: PLEASE remember to get out and VOTE tomorrow, if you haven't voted early!!!!!

They're not edible - but I CAN make....

FABULOUS flower arrangements! YAY for me. I may be a terrible cook, but my home looks and smells lovely.
These are all arrangements I created for Emily's grave recently. The Gerber Daisies were fabulous - and as it turns out, deer LOVE to eat them. They were beautiful for only a few days before being munched - but I'm sure Sweet Emmy got a chuckle out of having these lovely creatures all round her special spot.
I tool this arrangement out for her birthday, and I was SO pleased.... the sunflowers I grew myself, and the others were all purchased by my lovely mother. How perfect it was, that 3 sunflowers (representing each of my daughters) bloomed on the morning of August 25th! THAT was my angel working, I just know it!

These are the sunflowers I took out a few weeks ago. Again, I grew all of them myself, and sadly "IKE" blew through our area and took all of them down. These were the only survivors. We do have one small sunflower blooming this morning, and Kate pointed it out to me with glee. I was thrilled.
This is an arrangement from last fall
This is a traditional white arrangement. I always take white flowers on Emily's angel day, and this year, I really outdid myself. I was SO proud, I had my friend Jeni take a photo of me with it! How vain am I ...

Interesting use of an oven...

My Sweet Cousins L and L have been gleefully bantering back and forth on their blogs all summer long. They blog about wonderful veggies from their CSA deliveries, creative recipes from their fabulous cook books and their vine ripened tomatoes (still on the vine) which are free for anyone to take - and I would, if I lived within 500 miles of said tomatoes. I have very much enjoyed the "photo show quality" pictures (especially this weeks shots of the 3 legged carrot) posted by my dear cousin L. I have to admit they are pretty enough, I am actually tempted to eat a vegetable! However, It has been pointed out to me throughout the summer months, I have posted NO beautiful photos of my cooking creations!... So I figure this picture is long overdue. Pictured above is the lovely Tostitos pizza I made for dinner last night. I followed the directions on the box exactly, and I just don't understand what happened. Please note, there are NO shadows on this picture.... the poor pizza REALLY IS that black! Also, I will not be offended if you laugh out loud at this picture. Even I laughed when I walked into the kitchen and found my dinner in this sad, sad state. On a positive note, my monthly check of my smoke detectors is now complete and they are in working order!
Above is a photo sent to me by a friend, of the Green Veggies in her local store. Please look VERY carefully at the picture, and note why (at the age of 32) I still refuse to eat anything that's green.... I have a terrible chlorophyll allergy.... true story. Well - maybe not completely true....
This photo, I took myself. They are the lovely sunflowers I grew in my front yard. I simply adore sunflowers. I grow them every year, and as part of my "green living" I use them to block the sun coming in my front window, which heats up my living room almost unbearably. These sunflowers cut my air conditioning usage significantly, and save me approximately $10-15 per month in energy costs! If I may say so, did a mighty fine job with them this year. I openly admit I do NOT have lovely cooking creations in my home, but I always have lovely flower arrangements. That is a separate post, which will be coming soon....
Finally, look at this adorable child. She's just beautiful! I GREW HER all by myself! It's true!!! And check out that attitude..... who could grow a child with such attitude, other than me. She was aggravated because I made her sit in about 30 chairs and proceeded to take pictures of her in each one. We are furniture shopping, and I need her to sit in each chair, so when I get the photos home, I know approximately how large the chair is - based on the amount of room Kate takes up in said chair. This IS the chair we are going to purchase (I have finally decided) and I look forward to having it in my home. It's a bit "loud" but that's OK. I will find a fabulous sage pillow to rest in the corner, and it will look stunning in my living room.

*********Edited to add: My new favorite song is called "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory. If you have not heard this song, you absolutely HAVE to listen to it. Maybe it just speaks to me - but WOW... what a song! Oh, and "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas is still running a close second. What wonderful music is out there these days!!!!

A Loooooonng overdue update....

This is (embarrassingly enough) only my 2nd update in a month but I promise to do better from here, updating at least a couple of times a week. Here's the rundown on our lives:
Molly is STILL involved in cheer leading for the 5Th grade boys football team, which she loves. Cheer leading STILL consumes at least 3-5 nights per week for us, so I do NOT love it - but it's over in 2 weeks - thank goodness. Nevertheless, it's continuing to bring Molly (who can be an introvert from time to time) out of her shell - which is worth it. I should note: The 5th grade boys have not won a single game this season, and they only have 2 left. This is NOT because of a lack of her awesome cheer leading. I believe it is because the boys are too busy turning around staring at the 3rd grade girl cheerleaders, to pay attention to the darn game! Having an adorable baby and toddler is awesome..... having an adorable 3rd grader - not so much! I'm starting to notice the boys "noticing" my daughter, and I'm REALLY not into that. I heard 2 little boys riding their bikes (very slowly) down our street the other day, and one of them said "That's where MOLLY lives...." and they both giggled. Hmmmmmm....... Molly ALSO pointed out to me that the word "S-E-X" is written in the upper right hand corner of seat 16 on Bus 11 in BLACK INK!!! Holy goodness!!!! I asked her if that word "had meaning" to her, and she blushed as she responded.... "Yes Mom, it means you're HOT!" ........

Kate is sweet and wonderful, as always. She is still VERY opinionated and strong willed, and has been challenging me quite a bit. She was negotiating for a barbie Christmas ornament at Hallmark the other day, and I had to keep from laughing out loud when she very seriously said "Now Mommy, if I agree to put this back like you asked, I will need YOU to buy ME an Ice Cream cone, for my excellent behavior and listening skills!" ....wow. I've clearly taught her well.

I am back from my Active Duty stint here in town. Life was extremely hectic for the last 6 weeks, as I have been working 3 jobs; including my traditional national guard duties, my active duty job and also my Civilian Job. I am looking forward to having some time to breathe sometime in the near future - however, the next available date on which I do not have any pressing obligations is Sunday October 19th. I am counting down the days...

Oh, and before I forget to mention - Molly has taken an interest in my flute and can already make sounds with the mouth piece! I am seriously thinking about taking it to the shop and having it re padded for her. I have told Molly and Kate they WILL be in the band - so they'd better start thinking about which instrument they wish to play, because it's not optional! I will allow them to choose whatever they like, but I'm thinking flute or clarinet for Molly, as she will be getting braces in 5th grade and brass is probably not the best bet for her. Kate (I can tell already) will be playing the drums - which my aunt from Illinois will appreciate I am sure! Maybe we can progress to the Oboe and have Lousin L teach us how to make our own reeds. I did always think that was incredibly cool!

An update?!?!?

Can it POSSIBLY be that I am updating my blog??? YES..... I am. Finally. I apologize for the delay in doing so. I have been called to active duty at my home station, and have not had access to my blog - and have been so busy trying to keep up with both jobs, that honestly, I just have not had time. I will return to my civilian job full time on October 1st though - which will be lovely.

Molly and Kate have been wonderful, I must say. Molly is now involved in cheer leading and loves it. I do NOT love the 2-5 night's per week it takes from our schedule - but it is an activity and kids need those to feel involved I guess - so we'll continue with it. Kat has decided she is also a cheerleader and follows Molly around constantly, doing the same cheers. She has learned most of them.

We do not have much else going on right now, other than keeping up with work, school and trying to sleep on occasion. I am greatly anticipating the day when life returns to normal - or as close to normal as possible.

Five years later...

"How very softly you tiptoed into our world.

Almost silently - and only a moment you stayed.

But what an imprint you have left

upon our hearts."

Five years ago, in the immediate aftermath of my daughter’s death, when my loss was nearly incapacitating; someone who had suffered a similar blow offered me this prognosis: My aching would stop. My wound would heal over. The raw pain would subside, but my loss would stay with me forever, like an inoperable yet non fatal heart murmur. The injury wouldn't always restrict my mobility, nor would it preclude my capacity for love and joy. And allowed to cure under the right conditions (given adequate space and time) my loss would age and mellow into something sweet and dignified - something endured. The hole would fill in enough to reveal a new perspective; adding depth to my character and throughout my lifetime, helping me focus on the bigger picture. For that blessing, I was told I would be grateful.

Someone else, another well seasoned traveler along the journey through grief, told me I would one day be able to rest my loss upon a shelf of my closet, where it would remain inconspicuous but always present. Like an old coat I was attached to but seldom wore, my loss would become a better fit. Occasionally, I would stumble upon it while looking for something else. Perhaps I would take it off the shelf and examine it. In time, I would try it on – and I would begin to notice as the years went by, the fit had become increasingly comfortable. Eventually (and this was the unbelievable thing the man told me) I might purposely seek it out from time to time, finding some measure of peace in its weight upon my shoulders. In any case it would be mine forever, and I would never be able to donate it to the Salvation Army - nor in the end would I wish to.

More than one person who had fallen into to the depths of despair (and then found their way out) predicted I would soon discover that societies’ perception of grief is largely inadequate. Only the uninitiated speak of "getting over it" or "moving on." Only the blissfully ignorant believe it is possible or even desirable to put a thing like this behind us, as though it were a foolish investment or a bad meal. The reality is, it’s not possible to outrun it, even if we wanted to. Our best hope is to come to terms with our pain; allowing it to become part of who we are and even how we survive from one day to the next.

There are no definitive answers to the question "Why?"… only theories. There is no "period of mourning"… only the rest of our lives. And so five years down the road it has come to pass – My aching has stopped.

My heart murmur - although incurable, does not keep me down. My loss rests upon its shelf, but gathers no dust. I bring it down frequently, but not obsessively. I look over it regularly, and it still has lessons to teach me. I am more conscious than ever of life's fragility and uncertainty; and I appreciate (more than I did five years ago) the importance of being grateful for those we have for as long as we have them. I understand in a way I never could before, that life is shorter than we think - and that’s a good thing to know. "Why" is no longer the pressing question it once was - It now seems beside the point. My loss is not behind me. It is not a thing of the past. It is not something I'll ever get over - even if I live to be 100. It is right here with me – every moment of every day, and that's exactly where it belongs.

In five years of grieving I have learned we can survive the unthinkable. In the beginning we survive for others. Then, very slowly we begin to survive for ourselves. In surviving my grief I have learned, only through the good I do for others in her name, will the beautiful spirit which is my precious Emily Hope, live forever. For the joy and honor of being part of Emily’s life, no matter how brief … for my countless blessings discovered along this journey through grief; and for my new perspective on life, revealed only by grieving Emily’s death – I am now, and will forever be unspeakably grateful.